Wow

    So much has happened...and yet so little.  I have finished my first year of Charis Bible College, praise God.  I am now awaiting to hear back about my acceptance into the second year program in Colorado.  That is my immediate goal and hope.
    I read a couple of my past posts and realized I had relived those posts in a loop a few more times over the past year.  Kind of a bummer...as I wonder what did I not, "get"..learn that God wanted me to?  Have I learned it yet?  Or have I learned and just chosen to keep repeating out of my own stupidity?  Hmmm.
    I have found myself asking God to take away my longing to be loved by a man, if it is not His will for me to be with such a loving man as I so desire.  Not that God does not want me loved.  I digress.  But maybe now I am to learn things while I am alone in myself.  After talking to God about this, this morning, while lying in bed, with the rain scattering all around the roof...I got up and went about my day.  Now I have this sadness in my spirit...in my belly. 
    Back to school, I found myself today thinking I shouldn't put all of my expectations on this move.  That it may not make everything rosy.  But then I do not want to limit God in my life.  So high expectations of God is a good thing.  I know He loves me dearly...and wants me to be full of Love and Joy.  God is the one creation that I know for sure will not let me down.  So I am going to push through and keep my bets hedged on Him and His plan for my life.
    I think this sadness in my spirit is something more...something the Holy Spirit is telling me.  Lord thank you for your wisdom and knowledge and insight into my heart, my mind, my spirit, and my life.
    I was chatting with my daughter on the way to the house after the potluck at one of the churches we go to on occassion.  (We had a really good time.  I got to hang out with some awesome older folks who were a real blessing...they were from Kings Memorial United Methodist church and were visiting with that church.) As we were almost at the house I realized that after 13 years of marriage I can honestly say I do not know my husband at all.  I mentioned that briefly to my daughter.   I know very little about him, at all.  I do not know what he'd want to happen to his body if he died, let alone where his relationship with God is at right now.  I have no idea what his goals are...where his heart's desires lie.  I know in general what kinds of foods he likes to eat...and the types of beer he likes....and his likes and dislikes on tv.  But that's not deep.  That is not deep enough to warrant 13 years of research. 
    What next? 
    I feel as though I am at a point where I have to make a decision.  All I seem to be able to muster up is finishing school, with a small hope that I'll get to move with my mom and my kids and he'll stay behind.  Because this is one of the most unfulfilling experiences I have ever had. It has been full of creature comforts being met...I have a home, a car, nice appliances to help with my cleaning, hot water, clothes, shoes, bills are all paid....but for some reason it's been damn near impossible to break out...through...(I don't know if there is another layer) to something deeper and MORE. 
   

God is so good...to me

    I have been shown my open door
    Soon I will leave
    to return no more
    Blessings
    Peace
    Joy that binds
    Soothed transformed mind



by N. N. Story

I love this song

A tidbit to share

     I shared this on my facebook and realized I have not shared anything on here in quite a while and thought to share it here, as well.  Holy Spirit bring this to my rememberence every moment of every day.  I will always remember these truths that I have learned from God!

     A wonderful article from a fellow seeker who talks about how the translation is not actually 'gifts' of the spirit. And what the translation actually is, if you do the research. I did the research and found his findings to be accurate. http://www.wiebefamily.org/spiritual_gifts.htm
This leads me to the next conclusion, that when it talks about in 1 Peter 1:2-3 that we will have grace and peace from our knowledge of God...then you take what the effects of grace are, you can look at 1 Cor. 12 and also all other times grace is used it bestows kindness, love, mercy...the core of who God is...and put them back into that verse, 1 Peter 1:2...and you have something even bigger...when you have a knowledge of God you have mercy, kindness, the ability to work miracles, words of wisdom, prophecy, speaking in diverse tongues, discerning of spirits, love, charity, and anything else that falls into the grace of God. Because knowing what God has, and that He's in you, means all that God is...all that yummy goodness is within you, too!

Look Unto Me

     I have been, for years, well my entire marriage, I believe, looking for reassurances and a certain level of security, to feel like I belong and am wanted and accepted.  I have gotten it in moments here and there, but not much.  This caused me great stress and pain.  Many arguments and many difficulties.  I often have thought it would be better to be without a man, because I felt so betrayed and verbally abused by the men I have had in my life, for the most part.
    For as long as I can remember I have been seeking to better myself.  I remember being in high school and reading the Road Less Travelled.   I have always been searching for that.  God has been showing me what to do and things to do differently.  But I have been getting tired of being so hurt by the things being said to me.  Just tired of the things I would say and do after being so so hurt, too.
    After a week of what felt like non stop rejection and things gathering and gathering, something shifted and changed, praise God.  After being called a name a few times too many, it was it.   I told God I was done.  I had been working on getting back into the word and so I kept doing that.   God showed me through my lessons and bringing back to remembrance key verses I had read before, that God was my husband.  I realized that I can not look to my husband anymore for anything I need.  Maybe I should be able to, but I can not, so that point is not valid. I must rely on God.  God loves me so much and wants to show it even more I felt. So I decided to let God be my husband and for Him to love me.
    This decision has freed me.  My heart is lighter and I have more peace.  I do sometimes wish things were different.  But I must remind myself that God is making a way for my circumstances to change and be different.  I am looking forward to that.
    I do not know if I will be able to trust and open up to him again. But I am happy just knowing that God is on my side and I can get all I need from Him.  I do not need anyone else…God is my provider.  God always accepts and loves me and God always has reassurance for me in His Word.
`

Manna, Bread From Heaven: A Lesson in How to Handle the Word of God

    I am taking a correspondence course on Old Testament Survey 1.  It is by Wendall Parr and is extraordinary.  I love it!  I wish I was in class so I could ask questions.  But this is way better than no class at all!  I am learning a lot.  

      Last night I learned about how the Manna/Bread in Exodus 16 is a type and shadow for the written and living word of God.  What they were told to do with the manna, you can do with the word.  

For instance,

1. It came from heaven= the manna is supernatural, like the written word and the living word of God.  Nothing has been able to stop the bible or Jesus from spreading.

2. Came to people where they were= God comes to us, the word comes to us.

3. small in size= the bible is small and yet powerful.

4. white in color= white symbolizes purity

5. Made to be eaten= the word is made to be eaten and used if it is to be of any value to us.  It goes to waste if not used.  Like the manna when it was stored.

6. To be gathered daily= the word should be gathered into our hearts every day, too.

7.  To be gathered in the morning=  it is best to seek God first.

8. Obtained by the individual= you have to feed yourself the word of God

9. It was gathered by stooping over= you need to have a reverence to God's Word while gathering it.

10. Some will gather more, some less, but it will be what they need= some of us will study more, some less, but we are gathering and that is all that matters.  Let us not judge.

11. What is gathered has to be eaten or it will go bad= use the word you gather, do not just read and read and never put it into practice or you will put off a foul odor to non believers.

12. Incomprehensible to the natural man=they did not know what it was, hence the name Manna, that means what is it.  Neither does the natural man understand the word of God.  In Numbers 11 the mixed multitude of people hated manna, the word of God.

13. Preserved in the Ark= manna was saved and taken into the ark.  Jesus is the ark, the word incarnate.

14.  Will last as long as it is needed= the word will last and work as long as we need it to...rely on it.

      I am sure there are more things that can be deduced from these readings…that is what is wonderful about the Bible…always something God shows you, for you, for that moment, that day!  He provides all We need…let us praise Him!  Gloriously!

Closer to Bible School

      Well, we are getting closer and closer to moving for bible school!  What a blessing!  God has been working on my husband and he is now totally on board and getting excited about moving and possibly starting a new career path!  WOW!  God is so awesome!  I knew it would take God to get him motivated and He has done an excellent job!
     Now I have to finish up my first year so we can get a move on, literally!  Lol.  And my husband has some work to do on our house, so we can sell it.  It is an awesome chapter of our lives unfolding in front of us!  God is good all the time!  Thank you Lord for giving us this vision…for these dreams…and for making them come to pass…your word never returns void!  Praise God!  You are awesome!