I have been, for years, well my entire marriage, I believe, looking for reassurances and a certain level of security, to feel like I belong and am wanted and accepted. I have gotten it in moments here and there, but not much. This caused me great stress and pain. Many arguments and many difficulties. I often have thought it would be better to be without a man, because I felt so betrayed and verbally abused by the men I have had in my life, for the most part.
For as long as I can remember I have been seeking to better myself. I remember being in high school and reading the Road Less Travelled. I have always been searching for that. God has been showing me what to do and things to do differently. But I have been getting tired of being so hurt by the things being said to me. Just tired of the things I would say and do after being so so hurt, too.
After a week of what felt like non stop rejection and things gathering and gathering, something shifted and changed, praise God. After being called a name a few times too many, it was it. I told God I was done. I had been working on getting back into the word and so I kept doing that. God showed me through my lessons and bringing back to remembrance key verses I had read before, that God was my husband. I realized that I can not look to my husband anymore for anything I need. Maybe I should be able to, but I can not, so that point is not valid. I must rely on God. God loves me so much and wants to show it even more I felt. So I decided to let God be my husband and for Him to love me.
This decision has freed me. My heart is lighter and I have more peace. I do sometimes wish things were different. But I must remind myself that God is making a way for my circumstances to change and be different. I am looking forward to that.
I do not know if I will be able to trust and open up to him again. But I am happy just knowing that God is on my side and I can get all I need from Him. I do not need anyone else…God is my provider. God always accepts and loves me and God always has reassurance for me in His Word.
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Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Sunday, June 3, 2012
It has been difficult...
I have not been the nicest person lately to my spouse. I have done really well, all around. But today I was nit picky and critical. The only things are that I have been sleep deprived lately more than normal. My son was sick a couple of weeks ago, he had a fever for 4.5 days. Then this past week my daughter has been in her room with hand foot and mouth disease. My son had a fever again yesterday. But, praise God he was healed and is doing much better today. He is just teething, it seems, and is needy. But no fever. But he did get me up at 3am. I had had a good dream that I want to share, but at the moment am unable to write it down due to memory lapse.
I tried to nap with my son last evening, but my husband woke me to ask if I needed anything. I did not get upset, I just went upstairs to bed. Today, I was going to fall asleep on the couch with my son, but did not want a repeat of yesterday, so I told my husband I was going to go upstairs to sleep with our son. My husband came up less than five minutes later, I just had our son to sleep, and woke him up, to ask where I put the cayenne pepper. I was so frustrated and tired. I kept telling him how frustrated I was, and how I just wanted to sleep, and that if he did not want to cook, he should have just told me, he did not have to wake him up. I feel hubby is being passive aggressive. Two days in a row he has woken me up when he knows I am not getting good sleep. Hubby has not let me sleep in. I have had to get up and cook every day, even though he is off in the mornings lately. My daughter is out of school. So I do not have to get up for her, but he won't help and let me catch up on my sleep.
And then he seems so shocked that I am being snippy and impatient with him. Well, I wonder why? Men always get to sleep. Women get short changed on our sleep so much. And they blame pms for our moods. No, it is I have kids and you won't get your butt out of bed once or three times a week and let me sleep in, without pissing the kids off so they cry and wake me up 30 minutes later. Arghie argh.
Lord help me. I am doing my best right now to not disrespect my husband. But when he is not honoring and loving me, and I am tired and drained, it is harder than normal to be kind and sweet. I want to. He kept running his mouth and I did manage to walk over and when he was telling me to slap him, I just kissed him and said God loves you.
Lord guide my husband to do what is best for our family Lord. Because he is thinking of taking a promotion that will keep him away from home even longer. He already is gone almost 11 hours. He is only awake maybe 5 hours at best, at home with us. He only gets one mean with his family a day. He does not get time with me much anymore. It can make you think you are second to his job, when they won't ever take a sick day to take care of you, and they are considering spending even more time at work. Money is not worth all of that.
*I had had a vision a while back that my hubby would get promoted. I told him that things were going to be changing at his job soon. That was a short time ago. Pretty amazing that it came to pass like that. There is a big shift going on in the building where he works.
Lord, help my husband see the priorities as you see them for his life. I pray that he will open his heart to your will for his life and his job life. I pray that he will be open to understanding how women are different in a good way from men and that you my Father made us to be that way! I pray that he will follow your will and guidance and will do what is best for all of us, and not for his 'security blanket'. That he will trust YOU for our money and not his own ability.
Lord help me to focus on you when I get run down. Help me to see the silver lining, the golden egg, the light in the darkness. Help me to be more appreciative and less critical. Help me to thank you most of all! Help me to focus on your love for me and how much you love me and accept me! Even when I do not feel valued or appreciated at home, thank you for showing me how much you appreciate me! Keep showing me what to do with my life Lord. Show me how to be a better mother to my children and a better wife to my husband. Thank you Lord.
I tried to nap with my son last evening, but my husband woke me to ask if I needed anything. I did not get upset, I just went upstairs to bed. Today, I was going to fall asleep on the couch with my son, but did not want a repeat of yesterday, so I told my husband I was going to go upstairs to sleep with our son. My husband came up less than five minutes later, I just had our son to sleep, and woke him up, to ask where I put the cayenne pepper. I was so frustrated and tired. I kept telling him how frustrated I was, and how I just wanted to sleep, and that if he did not want to cook, he should have just told me, he did not have to wake him up. I feel hubby is being passive aggressive. Two days in a row he has woken me up when he knows I am not getting good sleep. Hubby has not let me sleep in. I have had to get up and cook every day, even though he is off in the mornings lately. My daughter is out of school. So I do not have to get up for her, but he won't help and let me catch up on my sleep.
And then he seems so shocked that I am being snippy and impatient with him. Well, I wonder why? Men always get to sleep. Women get short changed on our sleep so much. And they blame pms for our moods. No, it is I have kids and you won't get your butt out of bed once or three times a week and let me sleep in, without pissing the kids off so they cry and wake me up 30 minutes later. Arghie argh.
Lord help me. I am doing my best right now to not disrespect my husband. But when he is not honoring and loving me, and I am tired and drained, it is harder than normal to be kind and sweet. I want to. He kept running his mouth and I did manage to walk over and when he was telling me to slap him, I just kissed him and said God loves you.
Lord guide my husband to do what is best for our family Lord. Because he is thinking of taking a promotion that will keep him away from home even longer. He already is gone almost 11 hours. He is only awake maybe 5 hours at best, at home with us. He only gets one mean with his family a day. He does not get time with me much anymore. It can make you think you are second to his job, when they won't ever take a sick day to take care of you, and they are considering spending even more time at work. Money is not worth all of that.
*I had had a vision a while back that my hubby would get promoted. I told him that things were going to be changing at his job soon. That was a short time ago. Pretty amazing that it came to pass like that. There is a big shift going on in the building where he works.
Lord, help my husband see the priorities as you see them for his life. I pray that he will open his heart to your will for his life and his job life. I pray that he will be open to understanding how women are different in a good way from men and that you my Father made us to be that way! I pray that he will follow your will and guidance and will do what is best for all of us, and not for his 'security blanket'. That he will trust YOU for our money and not his own ability.
Lord help me to focus on you when I get run down. Help me to see the silver lining, the golden egg, the light in the darkness. Help me to be more appreciative and less critical. Help me to thank you most of all! Help me to focus on your love for me and how much you love me and accept me! Even when I do not feel valued or appreciated at home, thank you for showing me how much you appreciate me! Keep showing me what to do with my life Lord. Show me how to be a better mother to my children and a better wife to my husband. Thank you Lord.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
What every married couple needs to know to have a healthy marriage
This is a wonderful video and really shows what the basics in a marriage boil down to. This has really shown my husband and I what the Bible says about marriage and what we had been trying to tell each other all along but did not get it out right!
This came at the best time for us in our marriage! God really blessed us by showing us this. I had been almost begging God to show me what to do differently and how to honor and respect my husband because I had no idea how to do that. This is all about the key to your spouse's heart using God's way.
This came at the best time for us in our marriage! God really blessed us by showing us this. I had been almost begging God to show me what to do differently and how to honor and respect my husband because I had no idea how to do that. This is all about the key to your spouse's heart using God's way.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Shooting Star!;)
My husband and I saw the weather man mention a cool triangle in the night sky, jupiter to the left of the moon and venus above it. We decided to go outside and check it out before bedtime. I am so glad we did! As soon as we got out and looked up we both saw a wonderful shooting star go across the sky! To me it was a sign from God that everything is headed in the right direction and that we will be awesome! To keep aiming high!
I am so glad to get that encouragement because we had had a rough time communicating this week. We kept getting tempted to be defensive and we made a lot of wrong assumptions, we argued, were very sensitive, and we were both very easily offended the entire week! The funny thing is that we were both afraid of the same exact things with each other. I have learned quite a lot from this.
For one, I really need to remember to focus on what I, or someone else, might have done to hurt my husband, when he seems upset for some reason. I do not need to start worrying about how I will be affected. Instead I need to find out why he was affected and help if I can or just love him through it if I can not. I do not need to be so self centered. I pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me of this EVERY time, before I have a chance to mess up and be self centered. I pray I will continue to pause and give God time to tell me what to do in all situations. I know God is doing something wonderful in our marriage or the devil would not be trying to mess it up so badly lately. Thank you God for giving us a sign when we did not have to have one....or maybe we really did and we just did not know it...God is so awesome!
I am so glad to get that encouragement because we had had a rough time communicating this week. We kept getting tempted to be defensive and we made a lot of wrong assumptions, we argued, were very sensitive, and we were both very easily offended the entire week! The funny thing is that we were both afraid of the same exact things with each other. I have learned quite a lot from this.
For one, I really need to remember to focus on what I, or someone else, might have done to hurt my husband, when he seems upset for some reason. I do not need to start worrying about how I will be affected. Instead I need to find out why he was affected and help if I can or just love him through it if I can not. I do not need to be so self centered. I pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me of this EVERY time, before I have a chance to mess up and be self centered. I pray I will continue to pause and give God time to tell me what to do in all situations. I know God is doing something wonderful in our marriage or the devil would not be trying to mess it up so badly lately. Thank you God for giving us a sign when we did not have to have one....or maybe we really did and we just did not know it...God is so awesome!
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