Frustrated

    I am frustrated with myself getting hurt by the things that my husband says and how he handles situations.  I should know after over ten years that when he senses the slightest bit of disagreement he will run to the hills.  He won't stay and say that what I said seemed disrespectful.  He will bale on me.  Just like he learned from his psycho mom.  I am just frustrated.  I am tired that no matter how i change, what I do differently, if I say anything that he doesn't like, he bails out and just leaves.  It is so rude and disrespectful and demeaning.  To never have what you say matter or count.  To always feel rejected and like you have nothing to contribute.  That my opinion doesn't matter.  It is hard.  Today is one of those hard days.  And yes, sometimes I do hate my husband.  I realized today that I resent him for holding me back from what God wants me to do.  I know God wants me to finish bible school and help children.  I want more children and my husband does not.  I want to travel and tell people about God and my husband is an unbeliever.  I want to do such great things for God and my husband could care less about any of that and what it means to me.  Or at least it seems that way.  Especially, when I am working on doing something for a charity and he doesn't support my efforts.  I wish he would pray with me.  I wish he would not expect me to be perfect.  I wish he would realize how great God's love is for him so that maybe he could give a smidgen back to me.