Frustrated

    I am frustrated with myself getting hurt by the things that my husband says and how he handles situations.  I should know after over ten years that when he senses the slightest bit of disagreement he will run to the hills.  He won't stay and say that what I said seemed disrespectful.  He will bale on me.  Just like he learned from his psycho mom.  I am just frustrated.  I am tired that no matter how i change, what I do differently, if I say anything that he doesn't like, he bails out and just leaves.  It is so rude and disrespectful and demeaning.  To never have what you say matter or count.  To always feel rejected and like you have nothing to contribute.  That my opinion doesn't matter.  It is hard.  Today is one of those hard days.  And yes, sometimes I do hate my husband.  I realized today that I resent him for holding me back from what God wants me to do.  I know God wants me to finish bible school and help children.  I want more children and my husband does not.  I want to travel and tell people about God and my husband is an unbeliever.  I want to do such great things for God and my husband could care less about any of that and what it means to me.  Or at least it seems that way.  Especially, when I am working on doing something for a charity and he doesn't support my efforts.  I wish he would pray with me.  I wish he would not expect me to be perfect.  I wish he would realize how great God's love is for him so that maybe he could give a smidgen back to me.

Train Dream

      I got on board a train with a couple of people.  One was an old friend named Luke.  I remember not knowing where the train was going.  I was told by a young lady that it was going in a loop and that I'd be back home soon.  I relaxed.  The train lay out was different.  I remember this one car was blue...a robin's egg almost, blue.  It was wide.  It had two beds in the middle, turned down, very fluffy, with partitions between the bed and the walkway/doors to the next car.  They were on both sides of the beds.  They had a couple of sets of beds like this.  They were raised a little off of the floor.  They looked so comfy and inviting.  I wanted to lay in one.  There were seats off to the side of the beds that were in the middle.
       Then I saw a lady from the train.  She was checking on people's arrangements.  Then there was another young lady.  She had just gotten on the train.  She told me she was going to Mexico! I was floored.  Then I asked where we were headed now.  A young lady told me, "Washington".  I thought, where is Washington Alabama?  Then I started to worry a little.  I wanted to get off of the train.  I liked the idea of going to Mexico and sleeping in that car.  But I felt I had to get back home.  The train lady told me, at some point, that you have to have prepurchased a ticket for the sleeping arrangements I longed for.  Then I remembered seeing someone's ticket/paperwork laid neatly on the made bed folds of  sheets.
      Someone told me, I believe that lady from the train, that I could get off and someone would come pick me up and I would go home.  My friend Luke had conveyed that he would get off of the train with me.  Then I was suddenly off of the train.  I was standing in a partially covered curved parking area.  It curved behind me and to my right.  I looked at the train in front of me, but it was now a bus.  I saw my friend Luke stick his head out of the back door on the driver's side, and then he and his duffle bag jumped off of the bus/train (it was red with a vertical stripe).  Then I felt relieved.  Knowing I had someone with me, considering I had no idea where I was.  Then the bus was gone...
   
     I had been studying Matthew chapter 24:15 where Jesus tells us to stand in the Holy place.  I was wondering what is the holy place and where is it?  Is it figurative or literal?  I had also looked in Daniel at the abominations and was wondering what those are to be or were exactly.  I wonder if that has to do with my dream.  Or if my dear friend has accepted Jesus as his saviour finally!