Look Unto Me

     I have been, for years, well my entire marriage, I believe, looking for reassurances and a certain level of security, to feel like I belong and am wanted and accepted.  I have gotten it in moments here and there, but not much.  This caused me great stress and pain.  Many arguments and many difficulties.  I often have thought it would be better to be without a man, because I felt so betrayed and verbally abused by the men I have had in my life, for the most part.
    For as long as I can remember I have been seeking to better myself.  I remember being in high school and reading the Road Less Travelled.   I have always been searching for that.  God has been showing me what to do and things to do differently.  But I have been getting tired of being so hurt by the things being said to me.  Just tired of the things I would say and do after being so so hurt, too.
    After a week of what felt like non stop rejection and things gathering and gathering, something shifted and changed, praise God.  After being called a name a few times too many, it was it.   I told God I was done.  I had been working on getting back into the word and so I kept doing that.   God showed me through my lessons and bringing back to remembrance key verses I had read before, that God was my husband.  I realized that I can not look to my husband anymore for anything I need.  Maybe I should be able to, but I can not, so that point is not valid. I must rely on God.  God loves me so much and wants to show it even more I felt. So I decided to let God be my husband and for Him to love me.
    This decision has freed me.  My heart is lighter and I have more peace.  I do sometimes wish things were different.  But I must remind myself that God is making a way for my circumstances to change and be different.  I am looking forward to that.
    I do not know if I will be able to trust and open up to him again. But I am happy just knowing that God is on my side and I can get all I need from Him.  I do not need anyone else…God is my provider.  God always accepts and loves me and God always has reassurance for me in His Word.
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