I have not been the nicest person lately to my spouse. I have done really well, all around. But today I was nit picky and critical. The only things are that I have been sleep deprived lately more than normal. My son was sick a couple of weeks ago, he had a fever for 4.5 days. Then this past week my daughter has been in her room with hand foot and mouth disease. My son had a fever again yesterday. But, praise God he was healed and is doing much better today. He is just teething, it seems, and is needy. But no fever. But he did get me up at 3am. I had had a good dream that I want to share, but at the moment am unable to write it down due to memory lapse.
I tried to nap with my son last evening, but my husband woke me to ask if I needed anything. I did not get upset, I just went upstairs to bed. Today, I was going to fall asleep on the couch with my son, but did not want a repeat of yesterday, so I told my husband I was going to go upstairs to sleep with our son. My husband came up less than five minutes later, I just had our son to sleep, and woke him up, to ask where I put the cayenne pepper. I was so frustrated and tired. I kept telling him how frustrated I was, and how I just wanted to sleep, and that if he did not want to cook, he should have just told me, he did not have to wake him up. I feel hubby is being passive aggressive. Two days in a row he has woken me up when he knows I am not getting good sleep. Hubby has not let me sleep in. I have had to get up and cook every day, even though he is off in the mornings lately. My daughter is out of school. So I do not have to get up for her, but he won't help and let me catch up on my sleep.
And then he seems so shocked that I am being snippy and impatient with him. Well, I wonder why? Men always get to sleep. Women get short changed on our sleep so much. And they blame pms for our moods. No, it is I have kids and you won't get your butt out of bed once or three times a week and let me sleep in, without pissing the kids off so they cry and wake me up 30 minutes later. Arghie argh.
Lord help me. I am doing my best right now to not disrespect my husband. But when he is not honoring and loving me, and I am tired and drained, it is harder than normal to be kind and sweet. I want to. He kept running his mouth and I did manage to walk over and when he was telling me to slap him, I just kissed him and said God loves you.
Lord guide my husband to do what is best for our family Lord. Because he is thinking of taking a promotion that will keep him away from home even longer. He already is gone almost 11 hours. He is only awake maybe 5 hours at best, at home with us. He only gets one mean with his family a day. He does not get time with me much anymore. It can make you think you are second to his job, when they won't ever take a sick day to take care of you, and they are considering spending even more time at work. Money is not worth all of that.
*I had had a vision a while back that my hubby would get promoted. I told him that things were going to be changing at his job soon. That was a short time ago. Pretty amazing that it came to pass like that. There is a big shift going on in the building where he works.
Lord, help my husband see the priorities as you see them for his life. I pray that he will open his heart to your will for his life and his job life. I pray that he will be open to understanding how women are different in a good way from men and that you my Father made us to be that way! I pray that he will follow your will and guidance and will do what is best for all of us, and not for his 'security blanket'. That he will trust YOU for our money and not his own ability.
Lord help me to focus on you when I get run down. Help me to see the silver lining, the golden egg, the light in the darkness. Help me to be more appreciative and less critical. Help me to thank you most of all! Help me to focus on your love for me and how much you love me and accept me! Even when I do not feel valued or appreciated at home, thank you for showing me how much you appreciate me! Keep showing me what to do with my life Lord. Show me how to be a better mother to my children and a better wife to my husband. Thank you Lord.
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